Is he the one? How finances impact your romantic relationships.

I was young, dumb, and in love. In that order probably.

I'm a planner by nature, and since I was little, I've had my life mapped out:

1. Meet husband in college

2. Have a great career

3. Get married by 24

4. Have babies

5. Stay married

Let's just say, my life has not turned out that way. And that is okay. It's been a little bit more of a zig zag, then a straight line, turning out (so far) like:

1. Dated typical 'bad boy' in college

2. Moved around (PHL > NYC > PHL) to work for an amazing company

3. Have a great career (this was the one parallel)

4. Move in with a guy

5. Break up with that same guy

As I look and compare the two lists, my first reaction is "Oh shit". But then, I take a second glance and say: "Okay, maybe that isn't how I anticipated things to be, but I'm pretty happy, and much stronger than I was when I was 18". The point of my long story is three fold:

1. Make sure you know your person is the one before you move in together. I won't go into detail here, but I think you get the point.

2. Don't mix finances before marriage.

3. Ask questions early, and often, to understand where your partner is on the financial saving spectrum.

All this to say, as I look back, I think I could have seen a few (glaring) red flags early on in the relationship. This is where the 'head' needs to complement the 'heart':

1. Ask casual questions early (i.e. 3 months) into the relationship:

- Do you have any debt (student loans, credit card, etc.)?

- Do you save a lot, or are you a big spender?

- When do you want to buy a house? (this gets at if they want to settle down, or have the financial capacity to buy a house)

2. Take caution signs with a BIG grain of salt, and run for the hills:

- Notice spending habits (i.e. how are bonuses spent?)

- Notice if they have LOTs of nice things. This is a tricky one, but do they have multiple nice watches, and multiple nice suits, and many beautiful jackets? Probably don't need all three... and this is coming from someone who loves nice things.

- Are they an impulsive spender? When I was with my ex, we agreed that we would buy a TV for Christmas for each other. I was on a biz trip (critical part to the story) and he sends me a picture of what I think is #ESPN:

My response: "Why is this important?"

His answer: "This is the new TV I bought us."

My reaction: "Wow."

All this to say, he purposely bought the TV, had it delivered when he knew I wouldn't be home, and jumped the gun. Our old TV was just fine (this coming from the girl who has a 32 inch, 6 year old #Dynex TV so clearly my priorities are straight) but still ...

3. Have the hard conversations when you need to:

- Talk income (salary, bonuses, investments) if you think he is the one

- Don't overcompensate: if you think you make more money, you probably do, and thats okay. Be confident, and don't be his sugar momma.

- Be thoughtful. Everyone spends their money differently.

All My Best,

Alyssa

Love to travel!

#Love100Percent #BeSmartBeStrong #MindOverMatter

Note: The ideas above are strictly my own, and should not be taken as any sort of financial or investment advice. I am not a licensed financial planner, and these ideas do not guarantee any sort of return (or loss) in today's marketplace. Thank you!